Monday, December 20, 2004

The Joy of Hanging Lights

But first:
The Diplomad is located at:
I forgot to add that last evn.

Now! I looked at the thermometer in the kitchen as I always do upon arriving there first thing this morning, after tripping over the cats and nearly breaking my neck. Why do cats have to get underfoot and not quit till they are fed? It’s like drag being exponential to airspeed. Anyway; I saw an unbelievable 15.5° C that's 60° F for the folks in Lower Scrot. Well! It was ordained! This was the exact moment on the space/time continuum line that dictated the lights be mounted on the eves trough. Out comes the ladder after a fight with damn thing, up against the roof, pull on the rope to raise the extension.... nothing! WDF sez I to myself? Inspection revealed the extension had jammed on the new feet I had installed last month." Why did it need new feet ?" I hear you asking. Well; I found this really cheap ladder in the "Buy and Sell" and being such a frugal sort I thought I could get away without feet, it is an aluminum ladder and those plastic end caps too. Have you ever been on a ladder as it slowly slides away from the house and there is nothing you can do as it picks up momentum? I thought so! And do you know the feeling you get as you pick yourself up and do a self examination for broken bones, lacerations contusions and yes even that scary subdural hematoma; naw, first thing you do is to look around to see if anyone saw you make a Monty Python re-run of yourself. Aside from the bruised ego there was no damage. It was then that I noticed the two parallel silver lines exactly 14 inches apart all the way from just under the eaves to the lowest row of siding. "Marvelous!" I said to myself. "Just F'n marvelous!" So now I have a very old aluminium ladder with young feet, new bright red extension tips, new pulley and very strong polyester braided line. Ah, there's a fine line between the fortunes of frugality and the slippery slope of excessive expenditures, not to mention getting the aluminization off the darn siding. Whew!!! Now I had to trudge to the workshop for a hammer (the universal tool) That reminds me of the adage that if the only tool you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail ! I digress.... you will get a lot of that. It's just that the little grey cells have so very much packed in there that it sometimes is hard to get from one sentence to the next without falling into a paragraph or two, sometimes a whole page. Anyway! One well placed whack worked like a charm and up went the old/new, well $60.00 man hours refurbished ,at least, more expensive than new, ladder.
When I arrived at the top of the ladder and examined the eaves trough and found it in great shape and no debris either, I was feeling like Bob Vila as he put on his safety glasses and charged ahead with his new project. I reached into my starboard pocket to retrieve a clip, (a money sucking device ...a .5 cent piece of plastic that I paid 20 cents for) and as I fumbled, I did so because I was wearing my old foul weather jacket that I wore some years ago while pounding through the "Perfect Storm" north of Bermuda, the upper two inches of the pocket folds over with the flap and so I reached across with my left hand to assist my right (both my hands are very supportive of each other) and it was at that moment that Maria decided to hurl down the valley and slither across Taylor’s lane and lay a good 40 knot gust to my port side. Well..... There I was with two hands in one pocket, sort of, and leaning downhill to stbd anyway, that's the slope and the piece of aspenite that I placed under the stbd leg gave way...............Have you ever been on a ladder........? I thought so ...... damn aluminum on aluminum is slick and it takes forever to get your hands out of your pocket. Luckily I have fighter pilot reflexes and I prepared myself for the unscheduled landing which was a perfect tuck and roll and as I quickly got to my feet and leaned back to retrieve the shroud lines... pockata......pockata......pockata..... Oh where was I? Yes I looked around! Same as last time. Ego is a terrible thing. Then the rain started and I took my tired, bruised, humiliated, grass and dirt stained body inside to lick my wounds.



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